OCTOBER 3, 2011 4:33AM
October 3rd - A Little Blood on the Prairie
or: The Spectacular Psychotronic Horror Achievements of Melissa Sue Anderson!
Did you think the most fearsome, demonic creature in Walnut Grove was Nellie Olsen?Not exactly.
As it happens, Melissa Sue Anderson, the actress who played Mary Ingalls on "Little House on the Prairie," has had her moments in psychotronic made-for-tv horror and bizarre slashers. These are and have been the vehicles for up and coming stars as well as child stars hoping to keep their flame alive.
Happy Birthday to Me (1981) hails from the era when teen/coed slashers were completely unselfconscious unlike the '90's Kevin Williamson wave. The male leads had bad hair, the bad boy boyfriend has a ridiculous satin jacket and the nerd character truly did look and act like utter social outcasts, and served as really creepy red herrings for the identity of the killer (again, compare them to the good looking 'outcast' heroes from the 90's to current). The movie itself is a morass of social climbing anxieties, bizarre contrived medical conditions and procedures, ridiculous gore, inappropriate parents and therapists, and Scooby Doo technology...
Cut now to Midnight Offerings, also from 1981. Here Melissa Sue Anderson is in Voldermort mode and is fun to watch as a high school witch bitch. This movie was vaguely a precursor to 1996's The Craft,
which is the gold standard of high school witchcraft horror. You know
things are bad when the captain of the football team - presumably
whammied by Melissa Sue Anderson - is the one checking out the "Curses,
Hexes and Spells"from the library instead of the weird goth kid. What
would his teammates say?
But sadly, football jock is
interested in Melissa Sue Anderson's powerful new rival, the new girl in
school played by Mary Beth McDonough, who if I'm not mistaken, was one
of "The Waltons".
So it's the Waltons versus the Ingalls in a witch-fu telekinetic showdown, with Mrs. Cunningham (Marion Ross) to the rescue!
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Comments
OMG! How have I missed this?? I MUST see Midnight Offerings!
The Waltons, The
Ingalls, and The Cunninghams ... hmmm ... I am having this delightfully
twisted vision of some sort of horror or low budget indie flick about a
war between these three families, perhaps in the vein of The Marbles vs
Divine's gang in "Pink Flamingos." Maybe Suzi Quatro could reprise her
role as Leather Tuscadero and beat the crap out of Laura Ingalls with
her bass guitar ... just a thought.
Clever and humorous writing as always, Chiller. On to the 4th ...
Clever and humorous writing as always, Chiller. On to the 4th ...
Midnight Muse, a reaction like yours is one of the main reasons I do this blog!
VA, I have seen Pink Flamingoes in its hardcore, unrated cut (hosted live by John Waters in New Orleans, no less). To insert the Waltons and the Ingalls into those scenarios, well, holy god in heaven, I think you need a good talking to from Dana Fuchs! Perhaps she can lecture you about your sick fantasies in between Led Zeppelin's filthiest stanzas..
VA, I have seen Pink Flamingoes in its hardcore, unrated cut (hosted live by John Waters in New Orleans, no less). To insert the Waltons and the Ingalls into those scenarios, well, holy god in heaven, I think you need a good talking to from Dana Fuchs! Perhaps she can lecture you about your sick fantasies in between Led Zeppelin's filthiest stanzas..
You saw a screening of
Pink Flamingos with John Waters present? You just won every point in
the book by my estimation. To say I am a Waters nut would be an
understatement.
Another thing we share
in common, VA. We're going to see him speak soon in Salt Lake City!
Can't wait for his comments on the local culture!!!!!
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