OCTOBER 5, 2011 3:15AM
October 5th - And Then There Were Nun...
Chillerpop has a very sick and shameful nunsploitation habit. I've even dabbled in the genre myself... and I may have just upgraded my reservation in Hell from economy class to First Circle!
Now, a favorite exercise of mine is to allow the walls separating various fictional worlds to come down, and bring some characters together....and imagine "what if"...
follow me into the world of a rather unconventional convent....
headed by the Reverend Mother Gertrude. Her mission is to help the elderly. And could a lovelier moniker exist other than "Suor Omicidi"?
Next we have Sister Flavia, who is of course in charge of meditation and contemplation. Her spiritual quests have been...excessive...but the best Christian mystics knew the value of a little physical pain:
Sister Incarnation, or 'The Abbess' as she's commonly known, is a recent transfer from the convent of St Valentine. It's said that she was an early pioneer for Sister Batrille, but may not have been quite as succesful:
There are too many chiefs in this convent, as a group of displaced nuns from Spain have arrived. One is yet another Mother Superior with special training in pharmaceuticals. She has chosen names for her small subgroup, names to bring one closer to the Lord through humility. Suor Perdida is a little Dr. Doolittle, a little Matthew McConaghey; Suor Estiercol (whose name perhaps gets her the closest to God) is the convent's chef and also dabbles in the softer side of the pharmaceutical industry; Suor Vibora has talents in fashion design; Suor Rata de Callejon is a scribe.
Now consider poor Sister Mary Helena, she of the unfortunately infamous offspring:
Well, a certain spectral sister
refuses to be outdone by Mary Helena's son. This sister has an
affinity for the element of water and likes to impart a little
discipline to slick, clubbing Eurotrash kids:
Some of the sisters in this convent know a little something of the horrors of war, and the tough choices women of God must sometimes make to survive:
One must also thank these kindly sisters for giving refuge, sanctuary and shelter to those embroiled in our country's turbulent war on illegal immigration:
They should also be thanked for their fundraising efforts for the poor and needy, particularly in the midst of our economic crisis:
I'm tempted to write further of a rival convent with a sunnier outlook, where nuns can fly, foil Nazi plots, make cheap table wine, find solace in a horrible Pacific war, become Vegas lounge singers, take care of teenagers, etc... but I'm slightly nunned out for the nonce. A tale for another day.
Now, a favorite exercise of mine is to allow the walls separating various fictional worlds to come down, and bring some characters together....and imagine "what if"...
follow me into the world of a rather unconventional convent....
headed by the Reverend Mother Gertrude. Her mission is to help the elderly. And could a lovelier moniker exist other than "Suor Omicidi"?
Next we have Sister Flavia, who is of course in charge of meditation and contemplation. Her spiritual quests have been...excessive...but the best Christian mystics knew the value of a little physical pain:
Sister Incarnation, or 'The Abbess' as she's commonly known, is a recent transfer from the convent of St Valentine. It's said that she was an early pioneer for Sister Batrille, but may not have been quite as succesful:
There are too many chiefs in this convent, as a group of displaced nuns from Spain have arrived. One is yet another Mother Superior with special training in pharmaceuticals. She has chosen names for her small subgroup, names to bring one closer to the Lord through humility. Suor Perdida is a little Dr. Doolittle, a little Matthew McConaghey; Suor Estiercol (whose name perhaps gets her the closest to God) is the convent's chef and also dabbles in the softer side of the pharmaceutical industry; Suor Vibora has talents in fashion design; Suor Rata de Callejon is a scribe.
Now consider poor Sister Mary Helena, she of the unfortunately infamous offspring:
Some of the sisters in this convent know a little something of the horrors of war, and the tough choices women of God must sometimes make to survive:
One must also thank these kindly sisters for giving refuge, sanctuary and shelter to those embroiled in our country's turbulent war on illegal immigration:
They should also be thanked for their fundraising efforts for the poor and needy, particularly in the midst of our economic crisis:
I'm tempted to write further of a rival convent with a sunnier outlook, where nuns can fly, foil Nazi plots, make cheap table wine, find solace in a horrible Pacific war, become Vegas lounge singers, take care of teenagers, etc... but I'm slightly nunned out for the nonce. A tale for another day.
Comments
Holy cow!
It love your tag: 'dark habits'. It sums it up quite nicely. Chilling! R
It's almost like these movies are commentary on organized religion...
Thanks all! And Midwest
Muse, some of them are, while others are just exactly what present
themselves as - trashy, "shocking" exploitation
A movie with Anita
Ekberg as a killer nun? And with Joe Dallesandro? From the 70s? How
did I miss that one. That sounds like my kind of (campy) horror flick.
This post was second to nun!
This post was second to nun!
Having experienced a
steady exposure to the sisterhood from roughly the ages of 5 to 16 I can
see why some nuns might feel the urge to nonconform. And I wish some
of these racy ladies had taught my catechism classes; my nuns wore
head-to-toe black, not unlike burqas, and they all had male names ie Sr.
John Vianni, Sr. Peter Canesius etc. In fact, they all pretty much
resembled Ben Affleck in The Town picture.
VA, Killer Nun is terrifically awesome sleaze!
Margaret, your comment made me laugh! I have to say though, I don't quite get plainclothes nuns. Why be a nun if you're not gonna wear that awesomely badass goth outfit?
Margaret, your comment made me laugh! I have to say though, I don't quite get plainclothes nuns. Why be a nun if you're not gonna wear that awesomely badass goth outfit?
This list needs the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam.
Loki10o, yes, it does need the super-powered sex nuns of Frank Herbert - but that should probably be its own post
R&R Then there's
Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in their skit about the Leaping Order of St.
Beryl, which found it's way into their only feature film Bedazzled:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV_A7YeOhfs
R&R ;-D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GV_A7YeOhfs
R&R ;-D
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